Here
by Harikiya
Summary: It almost hurt to see how much she had loved him
1. Chapter 1

**Here**

 **Hi guys! Welcome to my second story and this time it's going to be about Kurenai Yuhi and her lover. Okay, okay don't kill me. I know everyone loves Kurenai and Asuma but I'm just kind of like ehhhh about them. So I decided to give Kurenai a new lover and I hope you guys love him just as much as I do. Please enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I just own the plot and Kioshi.**

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

" **There are all kinds of love in this world but never the same love twice." - F. Scott Fitzgerald**

 **Kirigakure:**

A lone figure kneels in the middle of a sea of sleek, dark grey gravestones. She's completely alone and couldn't be more grateful. Her pale, shaking hands trace over the words on the cold, smooth stone over and over as her lips repeat one name again and again, like a mantra.

The clouds were dark and heavy with rain, ready to drench anyone caught outside without an umbrella at any given moment. The streets were deserted, every soul in the village out of sight and out of the storm's wrath. Then again, the clouds have been like that since she had first arrived six days ago. Now she was wondering if this was just the sky's way of mocking her.

Bright yellow and orange chrysanthemums bordered the gravestone, creating a sharp contrast between the two things. Still she would never pick a different flower, these were his favorite afterall.

A ghost of a small smile sneaks on her lips as she thinks back to the times when he would bring her an arm full of chrysanthemums at random times from Ino's family flower shop.

He'd always find a way to surprise her with them, whether she was training with her team and he just "randomly" happened to be nearby. He would sneak up behind her and tuck one bright colored flower in her dark raven hair. Like a star on a dark night he would say, something that never failed to make her blush as she shakily extended her arms to take the rest of the bouquet from him.

Of course then her students would have their own reactions: Hinata would smile shyly as she looked on in awe at her sensei's reaction, Shino would stand there stoically but there was a hint of a smile on his lips, and lastly Kiba would make fun for her for losing her focus and being startled by him. "Shouldn't a ninja always be on their guard Kurenai-sensei?" he would ask her smugly. She would turn a deep red that could rival Hinata's as she sent her team off to run laps as punishment for Kiba's joke.

Then she thought of the private, more personal times when he would present the flowers to her. Alone in their apartment, he would sometimes lay them out on the bed or at her front door. It was always a sweet and endearing thing to come home to after a mission.

Her fingers stop tracing the words and she noticed a water droplet, just above where the insignia of the Mist was. Startled she looked up, expecting more drops to fall in a frenzy and soak her in a matter of seconds.

Two years of traveling to his village, and not once had she ever seen a light, quick drizzle of rain. It seemed that when the clouds let their tears fall, which was often, they did not hold back. She balls up her fist, how she wishes she could let everything out the way the clouds can.

She had mentioned it to him once before, when he was in the Leaf for a quick status update. They were taking a casual stroll around the village when she had brought up how sudden and hard the rain was in his village compared to Konoha's, who only saw a slight drizzle here and there. She had never seen a quick storm or drizzle in the mist. He looked at her with an amused expression and responded that he had never either. Thank Kami, he added later, they would never run out of water. She joined him in laughing at that comment.

She kept gazing at the clouds, urging them to cry. It would prove why there were droplets on his grave.

However, the clouds remained stubborn and held on, not releasing a single drop of rain. She turned her attention back to his grave, where there were now several drops of water on the sleek stone.

In a quick motion she touched her face, gasping as she pulled it back, realizing there were streams of tears running down her face.

So that's where the water came from.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you so much for the reviews on the last chapter! It made me smile! I hope everyone had a good holiday and Happy New Years!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I own the plot and Kioshi.**

* * *

 **Chapter 2**

" **The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step" - Lao Tzu**

Stiffly, Kurenai rose up still gazing at the stone with hollow eyes. The sun had risen but it didn't make much of a difference in the grey village.

Signing she gave the gravestone one last look before placing a gentle kiss on her fingers before putting it right on top of his name.

"Goodbye." She whispered.

* * *

Walking through the streets of Kiri brought back so many memories that for a split second, Kurenai had wanted to turn back and escape on the next ship to Konoha. Still she couldn't… she wouldn't, not until she finished what she originally came here to do.

The village was beginning to wake as merchants and traders opened stalls and unloaded goods, nodding to her as she passed by. She nodded in response while taking in her surroundings. Everything looked the same yet different but as she made her way into the heart of the village, the sights remained just as they were when she had first arrived so many years ago.

She stopped walking when she came upon a tall building with large, wide windows and plants surrounding it. The building itself seemed brand new but the large circular sign in front of the building looked old and worn. At the center of the sigh in bold ink was the word "HOSPITAL".

She entered the tall building and was immediately hit by the smell of disinfectant and herbs. Her assumptions had been correct, everything was brand new. The lobby was empty as it would be at any hospital this early in the morning; walking up slowly Kurenai approached the reception desk where a nurse was writing down patient information.

"Hi, how can I help you?" the nurse asked in a cheerful voice. She looked in be only around fifteen but Kurenai could see the experience and maturity in her eyes.

"I'm here to see the head of the hospital, Momoka-sama, could you tell me where I can find her office?" Kurenai responded.

The nurse looked shocked at Kurenai's request "She's in her office but we're under strict orders to not let anyone see her as she is in the process of creating an antidote for a newly discovered poison. However is there anything I could help you with?"

"No. This has to be discussed with Momoka-sama and it is urgent."

The young nurse seemed to be getting more and more suspicious of Kurenai as their discussion went on "I'm terribly sorry then but it will-"

"Kaoru. It's fine." Came an unexpected voice from the doorway.

Both kunoichi looked up shocked, they had not sensed her come down.

"But Momoka-sama-" Kaoru began when Momoka held up a hand to stop her.

"The antidote is almost done, I just have to do a little more tweaking and it will be complete." she said before she turned her attention to the kunoichi from the leaf, "My, it's been a long time Kurenai." There was a fondness in the older woman's voice that made Kurenai instantly feel guilty about not visiting sooner.

Frozen Kurenai could do nothing but stare. It had been three years since she had seen this woman and she almost looked exactly the same. She knew it was not from a jutsu as Tsunade-sama's youthful appearance was, but something else. Time had been kind to Momoka-sama and while there were more grey strands in her pale blue hair and small wrinkles near her eyes and mouth, little else had changed. Her youth clung stubbornly to her and Kurenai knew it would be a long time before it would let go.

There was still the sense of compassion and understanding in her eyes that made Kurenai want to drop at her feet and beg for forgiveness. It had been too long since she had visited or wrote back to the older woman. It was very clear Momoka-sama knew she was avoiding her.

Lowering her head to a bow, Kurenai spoke softly "My apologies Momoka-sama but I could not visit you sooner. Things were busy in the Leaf and there was little time to get away." It wasn't a complete lie. Last year had been chaotic in the Leaf due to new trade agreements with different nations resulting in more missions. There were times when just as she was returning from a long mission, she would be sent out on another.

She hadn't minded though, more missions meant more money, experience, and it would help the Leaf become even more prosperous. The missions overtime slowed and while she was still regularly sent out on missions, she had more time in between. That's how she ended up on a boat heading to Kirigakure.

The impulse had just hit her one day while she was tending to her little garden when it had started to rain. She stood there in the rain for a long time, unexpectedly her thoughts drifted to him. Over the last one and a half years she had been successfully able to avoid thinking about him with the help of her frequent missions and training with her team for the upcoming Chunin Exams but now that everything slowed down, his ghost was catching up to her.

She had rushed into her house before she got completely soaked. Afterwards she made herself a hot cup of tea and sat by the window watching the rain come down. It had been the first rainfall in quite awhile and she was certain that many people in Konoha where happy to have a break from the intense heat.

It started small, the rain made her think of his birth village, a village she had grown to adore despite its ruthless ways. Before she knew it, she was replaying the time when they first met and after that, every single memory she had of them and there were lots.

She rushed out of her house and ran to the Hokage's tower before she could change her mind. Lady Tsunade and Shizune were both shocked by her request but agreed nonetheless. Lady Tsunade had asked her to speak with the head of Kirigakure hospital while she was there about getting some herbs and Kurenai agreed. Before she left the office Tsunade-sama called after her, telling her to enjoy her time off and something about better times coming.

Kurenai couldn't exactly remember the words Lady Tsunade had said but it didn't make much of a difference. The look on her face said it all.

Kurenai had known about Dan, Tsunade's deceased lover, and knew that no one else understood why she had suddenly asked to go to Kirigakure more than Lady Tsunade. Perhaps, Tsunade understood Kurenai's reasoning more than she did. It wouldn't be unlikely, Kurenai didn't understand most things she did or felt, like why of all the people in the world did she have to fall for a Kirigakure shinobi who caused and continued to cause her so much pain.

Deep inside however, Kurenai did know. She knew she would only ever love him because no matter how many times she tried to explain to herself or her friends why she loved him she couldn't and that was all the explanation she needed.

She boarded a ship to a place she hasn't been in nearly three years, clutching a bouquet of chrysanthemums she had bought while waiting for the ship to arrive. The flowers weren't nearly as beautiful as the ones Ino's family sold but it would have to do.

It was dark, nearly midnight when she arrived and while her fellow passengers were sleepy, she felt waves of excitement, despair, and nostalgia wash over her as she stepped foot on the misty, damp land.

Three long years have passed and this land can still make her heart ache and mind dizzy.

Subconsciously she wandered around for a few hours before arriving at the shinobi graveyard. Her feet moved automatically as she found herself in from his grave stone.

It was well looked after, clean and shiny but flowers were absent. She frowned, kneeling down before unwrapping the chrysanthemums and placing them neatly around his stone.

How long she stayed there, she had no idea. She was also unaware of when she had started to cry, something she hasn't done in years, but she did that night. Her single moment of weakness in the past three years.

Oddly enough, it had felt good to let everything out. She hadn't cried in so long and he was one of the few people who had ever seen her cry that she felt it was fitting that in front of his grave, she would let go of everything she had held back since he died.

Shortly after she had wiped her eyes dry, she numbly made her way to the hospital to completely Tsunade-sama's request. There she knew she would run into the person she was dreading seeing most. Kurenai was _really_ glad she had cried earlier.

Kurenai wasn't surprised however, when she did run into the person she was hoping to avoid, it was inevitable. Now she was thankful she had lost control of her emotions, better then than now in front of the woman currently looking at her with the same shade of cobalt eyes as his were, filled with compassion and endearment.

She knew she had no right to cry in her presence, the woman who had birthed, fed, clothed, and trained him while she was nothing more than his lover. Again waves of guilt washed over her as she stood in front of this woman who was the mother of her beloved and someone who she'd been avoiding for so long. What would he say if he had known about her disgraceful behavior?

A soft sigh brought her out of her thoughts "Kaoru, please look after the hospital for a couple hours. I should see what Tsunade-sama needs immediately. Kurenai, please follow me." Momoka-sama said as she beckoned Kurenai to follow her up the stairs.

Kaoru bowed and returned to her post while Kurenai, shocked, followed the hospital head up the stairs.


	3. Chapter 3

**Update! Yay! I'll work on "Reasons" soon and there MIGHT be another story in the works! Let me know what you think of this story so far! I'm curious! Enjoy!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I own the plot and Kioshi.**

* * *

 **Chapter Three**

 **We do not remember days, we remember moments." - Cesare Pavese**

"So what is it that Tsunade-sama needs?"Momoka-sama had asked as soon as she beckoned Kurenai to have a seat and requested for some tea to be brought in.

"She requested some herbs, Momoka-sama." Kurenai responded keeping her gaze firmly in the table.

"Very well, I'll have those prepared in just a bit." There was a pause. "I'm sure he wouldn't be to happy to see you neglecting to take care of yourself."

Kurenai froze.

There was a chuckle from the older women, "Now did you really think I haven't noticed? This is very unhealthy Kurenai."

Kurenai bowed her head and she responded in a low voice, "Please Momoka-sama, there's nothing to be concerned about."

Momoka-sama's frown deepened as she continued to examine the dark circles under Kurenai's eyes, her thinning bones, dull hair, and sickly pale complexion.

"Please Kurenai, I would be deeply relieved if you were to stay a day or two in the hospital and get some rest while I get Tsunade what she needs." Her tone left no room for argument and frankly, Kurenai didn't think she had it in her anyways.

She nodded and allowed Momoka-sama to show her to a nearby room.

"Rest Kurenai." With that Momoka left.

* * *

"Kurenai, Kurenai, wake up love."

Kurenai rolled away from whoever was poking her and mumbled a drowsy "no."

A chuckle followed before it got eerily quiet, suspicious Kurenai slowly opened her eyes and looked around.

"Kioshi-kun? Where are you-" She was cut off when the man in question himself snuck up behind her and gracefully threw her over his shoulder.

"Hey! Put me down! Kioshi!" All her protests were muffled out with laughter, her pounding fists having no effect on his strong, broad back.

"No can do love, I have a surprise for you!" He exclaimed excitedly, walking down the stairs and into the kitchen.

"Kioshi, I'm not even properly dressed!" Kurenai protested.

"Hmmm you're right, why aren't you in your birthday suit, love?" The smug grin was quickly wiped off his face as she whacked his head none too gently. His "Own!" Had her smirking with pride.

He hurried down the stairs and opened the door to their backyard.

What Kurenai saw before her eyes left ther breathless.

Kioshi's grin only widened as he took in his girl friend's shocked expression.

"Now, you'll always have me around and a reminder growing in our backyard of how much I love you." He spoke gently.

Kurenai remained frozen, fields of gold and sunset dipped flowers laid in front of her. Before she knew what she was doing, she launched herself into Kioshi. Together, they rolled around, carelessly, in a million sweet smelling stars.

* * *

Kurenai jumped out of bed with a jolt.

It was a dream. A cruel, wicked, beautiful dream.

Even now, her dreams were still betraying her.

Sighing dejectedly, Kurenai made her way out of bed and downstairs to see if Momoka-sama had prepared the herbs Tsunade-sama requested.


End file.
